115th Congressional Dumpster Fire/Archive/2017/January 2017
The purpose of this page will be to compile Fark threads dealing with the dumpster fire that is the 115th U.S. Congress. =Background= This section will provide background information about the members of the 115th U.S. Congress, or their party affiliation, etc. any information to give a basic overview of the 115th U.S. Congress that does not necessarily need a Fark-related thread. * date first called into session: January 3, 2017 * date Americans can first expect relief: January 3, 2019 Congresscritters and how to contact them * all members on Gov Track * House members * Senators Current Pending Bills * all bills on Gov Track =Fark Threads on Legislation= January, 2017 Attempt to eliminate Office of Congressional Ethics # House Republicans so dedicated to draining the swamp they're gutting Congress' independent ethics watchdog # GOP: gutting ethics panel will "provide more accountability" (Update: They reversed it) # "Ha, yeah, we were just kidding about gutting the independent body that investigates political misconduct, honestly. Our complete reversal is nothing at all to do with someone using 280 characters or less" # If you would like to know how your representative voted on the "Goodlatte proposal" that aimed to kill the independent Office of Congressional Ethics and live in a district represented by a Republican member of Congress, then today is your lucky day # Dems organize against GOP ethics scandal. Media covers story. Trump sends out a tweet. GOP caves under public pressure. Media gives full credit to Trump. Media then writes articles like this one wondering how Trump got all the credit # Yesterday's abrupt reversal of Monday's surprise action by Congressional Republicans to gut the ethics process reveals Paul Ryan is carrying on an important tradition of John Boehner's speakership: being really bad at his job # Well, imagine that. It looks like Bob Goodlatte (R-epulsive Slime) had some personal reasons for wanting to gut the Office of Congressional Ethics Reinstatement of “Holman Rule" # While you and the rest of the world was gushing about the ethics office snafu, House Republicans quietly brought back a rule that will make it easier for Donald Trump to purge the federal government of any employees who disagree with him # The federal government now has a dollar menu Repeal of ACA # Prelude and/or background ## Obamacare repeal will only cost taxpayers approx. 1,750 F-35s. Not including R&D of course. Of course the other costs are not having insurance and hospitals paying for charity care and this is looking like a bad idea. What's the repeal plan again? ## Tl;dr: Trump voters hate ObamaCare but they like their plan with ACA and Medicare coverage but don't let the poors have it ## Actual Headline: 'Trump voters don't think...' Everything beyond that point is redundancy in its finest ## This is why GOP has a hard time to find a replacement for Obamacare: The Affordable Care Act, also known as "Obamacare", is basically identical to the privatized mandate plan the Republicans were pushing for 40 years until Obama was elected # Backlash ## Congress is hearing it from all sides after right wingers realized that Obamacare was the same as the ACA ## Texas Congressman holds a meeting so "local people affected by ObamaCare" can "share their experiences with rising costs and loss of coverage and choice,". Texas Congressman didn't think his cunning plan all the way through ## NRO has a sneaking suspicion that maybe Trump hasn't been exactly straightforward about his plan to replace the ACA. Bonus: they are just now realizing he has no plan ## New survey shows only 22% of Americans want Obamacare repealed; this is a huge drop in support for the GOP's plan after red state voters learned the ACA that covered them was actually Obamacare ## Red states that received Medicaid expansion have a more favorable view of the Affordable Care Act than those that don't have said expansion # Repeal ## And so it begins: Senate Votes 51-48 to repeal Obamacare ## Paul Ryan promises Republicans will complete 'Obamacare' replacement this year. No word on if it will be replaced with a medical ponzi scheme, a wet sock, or plain good old nothing ## Paul Ryan announces that there is a "Y'all women can go f*ck yourselves" provision in the Obamacare repeal ## Americans to GOP: "Don't you dare repeal it without a replacement strategy" GOP: "LOLs, too late. Die quickly" ## GOP realizes too late their attempt to repeal ACA was completely farking stupid ## Bobby Jindal explains how the GOP should repeal Obamacare quickly without replacing it ## Bombshell CBO report indicates ACA repeal will preserve coverage of 2 million more plans than previously anticipated ## CBO: The GOP's plan to repeal Obamacare would make America great again for over 32M people ## ACA will be allowed to wither and die much like the Americans that need it ## The county that had one of the highest percentage of Trump voters is also a county with one of the highest percentage of Obamacare users, but only because "the black bomb" "put a gun to their heads" to buy it # Replacement ## The first Obamacare replacement proposal is in, and it's ... Obamacare. Unless you live in a red state, in which case it's Thunderdome ## The GOP Congress is struggling to come up with an Obamacare replacement that meets Trump's criteria of being a realistic down-to-earth plan that's completely off the wall and swarming with magic robots ## Republicans are going to have to start checking everyone for wires when they have these closed door meetings from now on, also they have no plan to replace the ACA and are scared shiatless ## Officials now believe that the leaked audio from the Obamacare repeal session at the GOP retreat came from an unidentified woman who showed up at the retreat, claimed to be the wife of a Congressman, and was given an all-access pass without question "REINS" Act # As bad as you thought it was going to be, it'll be worse: The House passes the Koch-requested, ALEC-drafted "REINS" act that blocks any and all federal regulations from taking effect unless both Houses on Congress vote to approve them in 70 days Budget for fiscal 2017 # It's not a $1 Trillion deficit when *WE* do it The "Bishop" rule # Free land Promote Accountability and Government Efficiency (PAGE) Act # Let's see, we've got our attacks underway on Obamacare, Medicare, Medicaid. Social Security? Yeah, that, too. Civil Service? That, too -- liberals pushed that through in 1871, starting this nation's decline Personal Health Investment Today (PHIT) Act # The incoming Congress is so laser focused on simplifying the tax code that it's introducing a tax deduction for golf clubs Raising H-1B Minimum Wage # Congress considers proposal to raise H-1B minimum wage to $100,000, or, in Silicon Valley terms, still underpaid ## Trump introduces new H1B bill increasing min salary to $130K effectively pricing out Mutu, Suresh and Ram and replacing them with real American .NET, PHP, Java talents Bubba Smith, Bobby Ray and Jethro "Strengthen and modernize" Endangered Species Act # Endangered species about to become a lot more endangered H.R. 7, “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion and Abortion Insurance Full Disclosure Act of 2017" # All you "Trump doesn't care about the social issues" people can come forward and collect your dunce caps now Net Neutrality # The GOP Congress is already hard at work undoing Obama's tryanny and restoring your freedom. In this case your freedom not to be free from paying your cable company out the ass to rent their proprietary set top boxes Executive Order Banning Certain Muslims # Handy chart to check if your elected representative is an invertibrate Ending Obama Regulations # House set to rollback 5 Obama regulations, but, they are nothing to worry about unless you like clean air or water, think federal contractors should obey labor laws, or that those getting social security for a mental disability shouldn't buy guns =Fark Threads on Congressional Investigations= Possible Russian Interference Of 2016 POTUS Election # Senate to investigate Russian hacking with hearings and will bring in both Obama and Trump people. Wikileaks immediately releases hacked emails that they did not in any way get from Russia # CNN poll reveals most people don't believe that the Russian hacking changed the election or that they were chumps enough to be fooled into voting for a spoiled rich kid with bad hair # FBI and 5 other agencies investigating possible financial support from Kremlin to the Trump Campaign. *rubs hands together* ...It begins # While Trump is busy at the inauguration ceremony, US Intelligence officials will be analyzing intercepted communications and financial transactions between Russian officials and the Trump campaign # Michael Flynn's extensive Russia ties are under investigation ## The FBI just cleared Michael Flynn of wrongdoing with Russia =Fark Threads on Trump cabinet confirmation hearings= General # ♪ ♪ And the GOP with the plan is set to jam the Dems with a confirmation blitz--confirmation blitz OH YEAAAAAAAH IT'S A CONFIRMATION BLITZ ♪ ♪ # Warren: No confirmation hearings for Trump appointees until they're vetted for conflicts of interest # Cory Booker demands financial disclosure from Trump's cabinet picks before any hearings take place # Trump took office with only two confirmed cabinet members Sessions for Attorney General # The Democratic Party grows a spine and names it "Cory Booker" # Senate confirmation hearing for AG-nominee Jeff Sessions interrupted by hecklers, KKK attendees # "I pledge to protect the civil rights of every American as attorney general," claims Emperor Palpatine look-alike Jeff Sessions, whose record is so white it gets confused for a Beatles double album # Senator Jeff Sessions turns into a terrorist loving liberal, says waterboarding is illegal and opposes a blanket ban on Muslim visitors # Protester booted from Sessions confirmation for laughing at idea he treats 'all people equally' # Jeff Sessions to prove how not racist he is by having a white woman introduce him for Attorney General consideration. See? The female race loves him # Questions at the confirmation hearing for Jeff Sessions once again prove that Democrats are the REAL racists, because--wait, what? # Al Franken took the lead in grilling Jeff Sessions about what he would do if Trump is revealed to be a Russian sleeper agent # That time during Sally Yates' confirmation hearing when Jeff Sessions implied the AG should refuse to follow unlawful orders # Live stream of the committee voting on Jeff Sessions as Democrats finally appear to grow a pair Puzder for Labor Secretary # Andrew Puzder actually understands how to build an American workforce. Just not a well-compensated one # The Carl's Jr./Hardees CEO, and Trump's Secretary of Labor nominee, just wants to make life for fast food employees better by eliminating things like minimum wage, breaks and working extra hours without pay ## Andrew Puzder is suddenly second guessing his decision to become Labor Secretary, possibly after realizing the department requires actual humans and paperwork to run Mnuchin for Treasury Secretary # Trump's nominee for Treasury Secretary, Steven Mnuchin, has pledged to divest assets worth millions. However, his assets worth billions he's holding on to # Watch Steven Mnuchin defend his massive record of forced foreclosures from his time at OneWest Bank. Because who better for Treasury Secretary than a man who evicted people from homes due to a recession? # Mnuchin: Silly libs, taxes are for little people # This may come as a shock, but Trump's nominee for U.S. treasury secretary has been accused of being untruthful with the Senate during the confirmation process #alternativefacts # Senate Dems delay their eventual surrender by boycotting confirmation hearing, preventing GOP from moving forward Mattis for Secretary of Defense # Trump puts leash on Mad Dog Tillerson for Secretary of State # Marco Rubio can finally have his revenge against Trump Carson for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development # Equal rights are extra rights, according to Ben Carson # Add "equal rights" to the list of things perpetual narcoleptic Ben Carson doesn't understand # Elizabeth Warren and Sherrod Brown are supporting Ben Carson for HUD DeVos for Education Secretary # In order to advance to the next level, Betsy DeVos will have to overcome Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren. This is the political equivalent of Link armed with a wooden sword and bow with no arrows trying to take down Gannon # At her confirmation hearing, Secretary of Education nominee Betsy DeVos said we need guns in school to protect us from grizzly bears. Stephen Colbert nods in approval # Betsy DeVos is unfit for pretty much any job # In case you missed Elizabeth Warren smacking Betsy DeVos around like a redheaded stepchild, we have video # Sen Hassan: Ms. Devos your family's charity has given lots of money to awful people. Devos: That's my mom's charity I have nothing to do with it. Press: You are the charity's VP. Devos: that's a clerical error. Press: That went on for 13 years? # Al Franken schools Betsy DeVos on education. Why yes, she does indeed go full deer in the headlights # Old and busted: Student plagiarizes answers to questionnaire. New hotness: Secretary of Education plagiarizes answers to questionnaire Price for Secretary of Health and Human Services # Trump's pick to lead the HHS department invested in a drug company, then introduced a bill a week later to help that same company # Tom Price claims that at no point in his life he has known what stocks he owns. Because we all know that billionaires just invest blindly and show no interest in their money # Seven times when women were fired for their reproductive choices. Your move, Tom Price # Senate Dems delay their eventual surrender by boycotting confirmation hearing, preventing GOP from moving forward Pruitt for Director of Environmental Protection Agency # Professional Swamp Drainer Donald Trump now facing a reality where his EPA selection was just implicated in a Super PAC scandal # EPA nominee Scott Pruitt grilled on ties to oil and gas industry, motorsports # Trump EPA pick would hold off on deciding to recuse himself from lawsuits until after he's had a chance to clear out the in-house ethics agency Ross for Secretary of Commerce # Trump's pick for Secretary of Commerce, billionaire Wilbur Ross, who has vowed to dismantle NAFTA as "job one" admits he employed an undocumented worker as his driver-for almost 10 years-but not to worry, he fired him last week Perry for Secretary of Energy # In which Secretary of Energy nominee and part-time eyewear model Rick Perry learns what the Department of Energy actually does. "It's been a learning curve" ## You know that whole "Rick Perry DoE learning curve" thing that the once vaunted and revered New York Times published? Yeah, about that # Rick Perry and Al Franken share an uncomfortable moment Perdue for Secretary of Agriculture # Mistakes were made. Trump picks qualified person for secretary of agriculture, promises it won't happen again Pompeo for Director of the CIA # Frenchmen throw down their weapons and surrender at the first sign of trouble. Sorry, did I say Frenchmen? I meant Democrat Senators Pai for Chairman of the Federal Communications Commission # Anti-net neutrality believer Ajit Pai may head up the FCC # New FCC head says he's gunning for Net Neutrality McMahon for Administrator of SBA # Linda McMahon's fight to enter politics sounds almost as scripted as the average WWE match # We knew Linda McMahon's confirmation hearings were going to be weird, but when Senator Cory Booker threatens to hip toss Triple H, it's being taken to another level # And here comes McMahon's...WHAT'S THAT? BAH GAWD, KING. IT'S THE SENATE DEMOCRATS' MUSIC Mulvaney for Director of the Office of Management & Budget # GOP last week: OMG.The debt is going to kill this country. GOP this week: Debt is cool # Trump nominee for OMB says Obama has a bigger inauguration than Trump #dickjoke Comey as once and future Director of Federal Bureau of Investigation # FBI Director gets to keep his job after helping his boss win the election Shulkin for Veterans Affairs # Trumps Nominee to head the VA: "We have 45,000 job openings. I need to fill every one .. to make sure that we're doing the very best for our veterans." Trump's spokesweasel Sean Spicer: "The VA in particular,...hiring more people isn't the answer. " Bannon for Führer of National Security Council # Bannon will have to be confirmed by the senate to sit on the NSC Chao for Secretaty of Transportation # The only reason a Democratic Senator votes against Elaine Chao is if they are running for President in 2020. Ladies, Gentlemen, and others, I give you the class of 2020 # Chao approved as Transportation head. Grazie Secret SCOTUS Nominee # Senate Dems pledge to go tit for tat with SCOTUS nominee obstruction. Misunderstanding, Trump approves due to tits # Monday: Democrats vow to fight extremist Trump court nominee with all they've got. Tuesday: Nevermind Gorsuch for Justice on the Supreme Court # Good Luck, Mr. Gorsuch =Fark threads on Trump Ambassadorships= Johnson Ambassador to the UK # Trump sends Woody Johnson to the UK. Aren't those things usually made of plastic? Malloch Ambassador to the EU # Donald Trump's pick for EU Ambassador is a guy who boasts that he wants to help bring the European Union down, and thinks NATO is obsolete =Fark Threads on Congresscritters= Obedient GOP Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R, VA 6th) # Well, imagine that. It looks like Bob Goodlatte (R-epulsive Slime) had some personal reasons for wanting to gut the Office of Congressional Ethics Senator Marco Rubio (R, FL) # GOP Senators have introduced a bill that would halve embassy security worldwide until the US Embassy is moved to Jerusalem. That's like 1,000 Benghazis # That spine Marco Rubio showed off during Rex Tillerson's confirmation hearing last week was apparently a rental, because he's now folded like a cheap suit and announced he will vote to confirm Tillerson as Secretary of State Senator James Inhofe (R, OK) # Senator Jim Inhofe rejects extreme vetting. IOKIYAR Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R, UT 3rd) # As a sign of their continuing and relentless efforts to become the most ethical administration in US history, Republicans decide to attack the Office of Government Ethics for questioning Trump's ethics # Director of the Office of Government Ethics has requested that any meeting with Congressman Jason Chaffetz be held in public, somewhere with a lot of people watching and no bell towers # Chaffetz to Shaub: "You're such a loser for cancelling our meeting to discuss President Trump's ethics issues." Shaub to Chaffetz: "These e-mails show you skipped the meeting." Chaffetz to Shaub: "That's because I had to be at the gym in 27 minutes" # Republican vows to persecute political opponent Rep. Mike Coffman (R, CO 6th) # After voting to repeal the Affordable Care Act, Colorado Congressman Mike Coffman (R-epugnant) sneaks out the back door prematurely when asked what he's going to replace Obamacare with ## Congress is hearing it from all sides after right wingers realized that Obamacare was the same as the ACA Senator Mitch McConnell (R, KY) Senate Majority Leader # Mitch McConnell is getting real tired of not answering questions about the replacement for Obamacare that isn't coming # Mitch McConnell 2017 addresses Mitch McConnell 2009 derailing Obama nominees over ethics violations while he confirms Trump nominees despite ethics violations: "Look, you can complain about whatever you choose to" # Mitch McConnell 2017 addresses Mitch McConnell 2009 derailing Obama nominees over ethics violations while he confirms Trump nominees despite ethics violations: "Look, you can complain about whatever you choose to" # Our Courageous Senate Majority Leader responds to Trump's lie on election fraud: "It does occur, There are always arguments on both sides about how much, how frequent and all the rest. ... The notion that election fraud is a fiction is not true" Rep. Mike Rogers (R, AL 3rd) # OK, this sh*t isn't funny anymore Rep. Paul Ryan (R, WI 4th) Speaker of the House # Ryan to Trump on illegal immigrants voting: Citation needed # Paul Ryan invites Trump to complain about how he won the popular vote if it weren't for those 3 million illegals and that the polls are rigged, in front of congress on February 28th. Can't wait # Paul Ryan is still a national embarrassment, and it's even worse now that he's come out in support of the Muslim ban # Paul Ryan's plan to eliminate Medicare is like an extensive polyp hunting expedition, and you never call, I never know what's happening with you # I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's Paul Ryan muttering "waste of my farking time," after defending the detainment of innocent people for hours in airports (since recanted, still funny) # The 2016 election allowed scientist to discover a previously unknown species of invertebrate: Paul Ryan Rep. Lamar Smith (R, TX 21st) Chairman of the House Science, Space and Technology Committee # "Better to get news directly from Trump." Who said it: 1) a trailer park champion, 2) Fox News comment section, or 3) sitting congressman # Chairman of the House Science Committee displays his mastery of critical thinking skills by telling Americans that it is "better to get your news directly from the President. In fact, it might be the only way to get the unvarnished truth" Rep. Steve King (R, IA 4th) # Steve "Cantaloupe Calves" King claims he "got out my calculator" and did "an extrapolation" based on data from two VA counties and found that 2.4 million illegals voted in the last election. But that's what happens when you store your calculator up your ass Senator John McCain (R, AZ) # John McCain will fight Trump on torture. But nothing else, of course Senator Ted Cruz (R TX) and Senator Mike Lee (R UT) First Amendment Defense Act (FADA) # They're calling it the "First Amendment Defense Act" because "Get Back In The Closet, You Evil Gays" wouldn't fly. Probably Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D, HI 2nd) # Congresswoman violates the Hatch act. For some reason this is not bigger news, maybe it's her party alignment Senator Diane Feinstein (D CA) # 538.com is tracking how often members of Congress are voting in line with Donald Trump. FARK: Leading the way in most voting with Trump vs. how often would be expected... Diane Feinstein J.V. Team # State Rep. Mike Noel (R, UT, 73rd) ## And so begins the carving up of our national landmarks for the highest bidder # State Rep. Tony Tinderholt (R, TX, 94th) ## "Jail Time For Abortions Would Make Women 'More Personally Responsible' For Sex" says Texas lawmaker with no chin # Governor Greg Abbott (R TX) ## Texas Gov vows that he will remove the elected Sheriff of Austin, Texas from office unless she "obeys the law" and drops her policy of refusing to cooperate with routine deportation requests. Ironic difficulty: the law gives him no power to do so # State Senator Rob Bradley (R, FL, 5th) ## Holster your Skittles: NRA-backed bill would make it much easier to claim self-defense in murder cases WTF? No one was expecting these Senator Elizabeth Warren (D, MA), Senator Sherrod Brown (D OH) # Elizabeth Warren and Sherrod Brown are supporting Ben Carson for HUD Senator Lindsay Graham (R, SC) # Republicans and Democrats work together to...sign into law recent Obama executive orders? # Lindsey Graham on Mexico tariff: "Simply put, any policy proposal which drives up costs of Corona, tequila, or margaritas is a big-time bad idea. Mucho Sad" JV Squad # State Rep. Charlene Lima (D, RI 14) ## Once again politicians find a way to take money meant for the poor and divert it into their own pockets Everyone Else Senator Elizabeth Warren (D, MA) # Warren: No confirmation hearings for Trump appointees until they're vetted for conflicts of interest # In case you missed Elizabeth Warren smacking Betsy DeVos around like a redheaded stepchild, we have video Senator Cory Booker (D, NJ) # Cory Booker demands financial disclosure from Trump's cabinet picks before any hearings take place # The Democratic Party grows a spine and names it "Cory Booker" Senator Chuck Schumer (D, NY) Senate minority leader # Chuck Schumer did it. He actually. Farking. Did. It. He sent Yertle a copy of his own 2009 letter to the then-incoming Obama administration, which demanded that all Presidential nominees be fully vetted, paperwork completed, before being confirmed # Slate asks "Democrats to Unveil Massive $1 Trillion Infrastructure Plan. Will Trump Bite?" Try and guess the answer ## Candidate Trump: "We will spend a trillion dollars to fix up our infrastructure." Democrats: "Great, here's a plan on how to do that." President Trump: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, was I talking to *you* people? I don't think so" # Now that the Kremlin has their stooge in power, they want to talk to him about reconsidering these tiresome sanctions that are hurting relations between the two countries 10 Senators (Cardin (D, MD), McCain (R, AZ), Menendez (D, NJ), Shaheen (D, NH), Klobuchar (D, MN), Durbin (D, IL), Graham (R, SC), Rubio (R, FL), Sasse (R, NE), Portman (R, OH) # Republicans and Democrats work together to...sign into law recent Obama executive orders? Senator Al Franken (D, MN) # Al Franken took the lead in grilling Jeff Sessions about what he would do if Trump is revealed to be a Russian sleeper agent # Al Franken schools Betsy DeVos on education. Why yes, she does indeed go full deer in the headlights # Sen Al Franken is not the hero we deserve, but the one we need right now, as he puts the FCC on notice that he will fight any attempt to end Net Neutrality "every step of the way" Rep. John Lewis (D, GA 5th) # It is considered an honor to be invited to Selma with John Lewis; he has taken members of both parties with him over the years. But Lewis said one person he will never ask to join him is Donald Trump Rep. Jamie Raskin (D, MD 8th) # Maryland congressman decides to avoid the rush, begin impeechment proceedings against Trump immediately due to blatant and ongoing violations of the Emoluments Clause. Your move, Liftbro Senator Edward Markey (D, MA) and Rep. Ted Lieu (D, CA 33rd) # Two lawmakers introduce a bill that would prevent a president from being able to order a nuclear "first strike"-an idea that's been around for a long while, but suddenly gained urgency in the last couple weeks for some reason Rep. Will Hurd (R, TX, 23rd) # Left-wing whining about Trump's immigration order intensifies, with one liberal pantywaist saying the order "would "erode our allies' willingness to fight and put Americans at risk. Sorry that was Former CIA covert operative Rep. Will Hurd (R-TEXAS) Senator John McCain (R AZ) # Republicans and Democrats work together to...sign into law recent Obama executive orders? # After years of searching, John McCain finally finds his maverick spine and tells President Grubby Hands that he'll lift Russia's sanctions over his dead body # Now that the Kremlin has their stooge in power, they want to talk to him about reconsidering these tiresome sanctions that are hurting relations between the two countries J.V. Squad # State Senator Nancy Skinner (D, CA 9th) ## California legislator: If we are going to vet foreigners Mr. President, could you please release your current wife's visa and immigration documents =See Also= * Drumpfster Fire * ALECworks